The 9th Ward...

I was sitting in the New Orleans airport a few weeks ago venturing home after the Parent Heart Watch National Conference.  As I sat nearly alone at 6:00 am at the gate, I begin to reflect on the past several weeks and was reminded of how far we've come and how far we've yet to go. I could not help but recall my weekend attending our 3^rd conference with Parent Heart Watch and contemplate about attending our first conference 2 and one-half years earlier.  That first conference, nothing more than emotional haze, attending a mere 6 months after Quinn died.  Knowing today the only way we got through it was the fact we were surrounded by a couple of hundred other parents suffering the same grief.  I recalled how we felt then, paralyzed by grief and unsure how we could ever muster the strength to turn our tragedy into action.

As the calendar tears away months, here I sit, thinking about how far we’ve progressed since that first conference but am reminded of how far we’ve yet to go.  I had the opportunity to speak at this year’s Parent Heart Watch National Conference and tell our story about the Young Champions Heart Screening program.  As proud as I am about the herculean efforts of so many to make the Young Champions Heart Screenings a community success, I could not help but break down during my presentation.  My tears were shed for the recent tragedies in our community- most notably the recent death of Cody Sherrill from sudden cardiac arrest.

Although an honor to speak about the collective determination of a family, foundation, friends and community to protect our kids- I was overcome at the podium by the heartache I knew families right in my backyard were feeling.  Although grateful to speak about our efforts and point to several known “saves” and helping countless families.   The pain of three sudden cardiac arrests in as many weeks in the Vancouver area kept my enthusiasm in check. 

While in my solitude at the gate, I could not help but think about the fact that life draws an endless number parallels.  You know, those situational experiences whereby lessons are learned, some subtle, while others smash you like a ton of bricks.  One of those hit-you-like-a-ton-of-brick parallels played out loud and clear that weekend in New Orleans.  We all know the devastation that took place in New Orleans and the efforts that have taken place to bring this historic city back from almost total ruin. 

On the surface, New Orleans appears to have recovered.  However, if you look a little deeper, you realize the city may never heal from the gaping wounds that were sliced like an axe from Katrina.  A tour of the 9^th Ward and the entire city by a native New Orleans resident (and a friend) proved to be the crowning symbolic analogous life lessons I’ve ever experienced.

Not unlike the efforts of families, foundations and so many others to try and fix our crisis surrounding sudden cardiac arrest in our youth, the residents of New Orleans are trying to repair their loss.  On the surface, we have come a long way in our collective fights and are doing amazing things.  However, if you look just under the surface, we have a long way to go.

Know your family health history, understand the signs and symptoms of potential cardiac issues, ask your physician for a routine cardiac screen, learn CPR and how to administer an AED.

Back in the game...

I’ve been doing a little housekeeping on the QDF site, gearing up for our next Young Champions Heart Screening, trying to keep my head above water by mashing out “to-do’s” to prepare for the onslaught of pre-event preparation tasks.  It’s exciting to think that in such a short period of time, our community has rallied around Quinn’s legacy and we’re ready to conduct our 3^rd public screening event.  Moreover, I’m excited to “get back in the game” and take on, what many consider a public health crisis surrounding the sheer number of sudden cardiac arrests our youths suffer in this country.

Although we’ve been pretty quiet this summer at the QDF, a number of exciting initiatives are shaping up to protect our kids against the silent killer we call SCA.  We had the opportunity to travel to Madison Wisconsin over the summer and present our Young Champions Heart Screening Clinics to a group at the University of Wisconsin Medical School and to a prominent health care cooperative.  From that meeting, I am happy to report that screenings have begun in that community and there appears to be a great sense of momentum on both the medical side and from a very conspicuous national organization.  Words cannot express how grateful I am that another community has adopted the vision and is well on their way to protect their greatest asset, children.

The screening that is taking place on October 8^th is going to be part of a national effort called “Screens Across America”.  The QDF is one of a handful of community based organizations conducting screenings in the month of October to raise awareness on a national basis.  I am proud to say that our community is taking a leadership role in the promotion of cardiac screenings!  A special thanks to all the volunteers, contributors and medical teams who are making this happen.

I encourage all of you to register your kids for a Young Champions Heart Screening or refer a friend or family member for the October 8^th screening.  You can learn more by visiting the Community page on the Quinn Driscoll Foundation site. 

Know your family health history, understand the signs and symptoms of potential cardiac issues, ask your physician for a routine cardiac screen, learn CPR and how to administer an AED. 

-Scott

A Cathartic Post…

When you lose a child, you find out very quickly that you are not alone in your grief. Immediately following Quinn’s sudden death many wonderful people reached out to us and shared their pain of losing a child. One of the first groups to contact us is a national organization called Parent Heart Watch, often referred to as “the best damn organization no-one wants to be a member of”. We were quickly swept up by parent members (that’s official for I lost a child too) of Parent Heart Watch and immediately taken under their wings. We’ve been blessed by their outpouring and now consider many in that organization as friends. Those we’ve met have been instrumental in giving us the motivation and tools to start the Quinn Driscoll Foundation.

Along the way, we’ve met many parents who’ve lost children, each with varying stories; however all share a common bond, grief. We all process grief a little differently. Never experiencing loss of this magnitude in my life, I naturally went into research mode and found reference to a model I studied in college as a Social Welfare major, the Five Stages of Grief (Kubler-Ross Model) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model. After brushing up on “how I was supposed to feel”, I sat back and waited for the stages of grief to line up in front of me like a buffet of emotions.

The first year and a half after Quinn died was a whirlwind to say the least. Running on nothing but pure adrenaline, I took it upon myself to conquer my emotions and prove that Kubler-Ross had it all wrong. Of the five stages, the buffet was only serving up Acceptance, so with a vengeance I consumed as much of it as I could. As with any buffet, consuming too much of any one thing is probably not a good idea…

I've eaten from that same demonstrative buffet line for two solid years now and my taste for Acceptance is starting to wane. As many fellow parents have advised me, “the second and third years are the worst”. How could that be? Isn't the initial timing around a tragedy the worst part? I’m not feeling anything but Acceptance, maybe I’ll escape the year 2 and 3 blues. Call it naivety, call it wishful thinking, call it denial… I've now come to the realization, grief is not tangible, and it’s definitely not something you can control, never-the-less pick and choose what stages you want to consume in the emotional buffet line.

The past few months have been a real test of my emotional well-being to say the least. Since our fundraising event (a huge success by the way), I’ve been overwhelmed with a sense of helplessness, an anxious buzz that is as powerful as any emotion I’ve ever felt. I find myself (my family and friends catch me doing this) wandering in and out of conversations, thinking about nothing in particular. If I were to describe it, it feels like the pit you get in your stomach right before the biggest final exam you’ve ever taken or like the way you feel when you know you’re going into a difficult situation. Therein lies the rub, you never get to take the exam or take the situation head-on. The feeling becomes a perpetual swirl of angst, an endless buffet line filled with everything you hate.

As with any difficult situation in life, you can fight or you can flee. I choose to fight, I choose to accept the fact that we lose way too many young people in this country from sudden cardiac arrest. I choose to stop trying to make emotions a tangible good and use my grief as a means to help others. Although the pain is often debilitating, I was obligated with a mission, one I did not ask for, but one I will see through.

First Annual Legends Event

Dear Friends,

On behalf of the Quinn Driscoll Foundation Board of Directors I would like to extend a warm and gracious thank you for your support at our first annual Legends event. The evening far exceeded expectations and proved the commitment of our community and extended community in the fight against sudden cardiac arrest in our youth.

Together, we raised nearly $50,000 in total receipts for the event including ticket sales, sponsorships, donations and purchases. After expenses, over $30,000 will be put back into our local area for cardiac screenings, awareness programs and grants for automated external defibrillators (AED). Planning has already begun on granting AED’s and we are busy coordinating a number of community events and beyond.

In June the QDF will be active in assisting at one of Oregon’s largest employers establish an ongoing screening program. In August we will be conducting our 3rd “Young Champions” community based heart clinic. In October the QDF will be one of a handful of foundations participating in a national event, “Screens Across America”. In this first ever national initiative, the Quinn Driscoll Foundation will be raising awareness and conducting screenings at the local level while promoting the need of more extensive cardiac screenings for our youth on a national basis.

However excited about our upcoming year, I would be remiss in not mentioning our namesake Quinn and the thousands of lost legends. In their honor and memory, please remember these important points:

- Understand the symptoms of cardiac issues
- Know your family health history and communicate with your family physician
- Get CPR/AED certified
- Promote routine cardiac screenings in our most valuable assets, our children

Every child deserves to be legend!

A grassroots fight from the trenches…

The past several weeks have been a whirlwind to say the least. First and foremost, we grieve for the families, friends and communities who have lost children to SCA. We took it hard when we learned of a young man who died in Longview WA, a seventeen year old and a father. The young man died while wrestling with friends, HCM the apparent cause. Two weeks later, and less than 100 miles away in Silverton Oregon, another young man dies while competing in a high school wrestling match. Now just days after a community honored a fallen son, we are shaken by another loss in Michigan. The young man in this case died from SCA after hitting a buzzer beater to preserve his team’s perfect season. Then only a day after the Michigan tragedy a young man in Colorado dies while playing rugby. To see it all unfold on ESPN and the national news was more than I could handle.

That brings me to the crux of this post. We are in a battle; family by family, community by community, foundation by foundation and heartbreaking story by heartbreaking story. It’s the axis of change being directed by those who have suffered loss and want to do something about it. Although we are not a unified front, we all share the same battle cry, the same motivation, the same care for our children and the same anguish that puts a pit in your gut that you can’t explain. When we hear the horrible news of another child lost to SCA we all take the hit, we all recall our own personal tragedies, we shed countless tears, we somehow collect enough energy to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps and carry on with our missions.

Our battles are many. Our victories are both monumental and minuscule, measured in terms of “saves” or as simple as telling your story to an 80 year old woman at a community health fair. As warriors we don’t pick our battles or measure ourselves by how many “saves” we’ve had or how many people we talked to. We are warriors for a cause; not for personal gains, notoriety or shiny medals that show how many battles we’ve fought in.

As a grassroots army we count on the strength of our family, friends and community. Without their un-waivered support and amazing dedication to volunteerism we would certainly lose most fights. These unsung heroes are motivated by the sheer desire to make the world a better place, one child at a time. Although it may not be apparent, we are moving mountains together; one screening, one health fair, one community event at a time.

As warriors, we fight because we’ve been ordained to carry out a mission, one we did not ask for, but one we will see through, come hell or high water.

On Healing...

Kelly contributed to a blog and I wanted to share her thoughts with you on healing. Kelly was asked to share from a parents perspective on losing a child. You can view the blog in its entirety at http://www.bridgetchumbley.com/2010/10/healing-blog-carnival/


With these two recent tragic deaths, it really brings Scott and I back to those first few days, weeks and months after Quinn died, and it makes us realize how far we have come. I don’t know if you ever “heal” from something like a loss of a child, because to me healing means fixing and you can’t fix a loss of a child.

What we can do is learn to live the life we have been given, and realize to move forward, we need to accept that we cannot change the past, we can only control our future. You need to let go of finding someone to blame, you need to let go of wishing things were different, you need to forgive yourself for not being able to change what happened… and you need to realize there is a lot of life to live with those who are here and those that love you.

If you stop living, you have lost. You cannot move forward while living with regret. It doesn’t mean you won’t think these thoughts, but you will know how to move past them when they creep in.

Although I would give everything I have to have Quinn back, that’s not a choice/option I’m given. But I will live every day grateful for the son I had, and all the wonderful memories of the time I had with him.

Quinn may not be here in body, but he will always be here in spirit. We talk of him often, and allow him to be in our present life, and that helps us feel connected.

Moving forward for us has been finding a mission to do something positive from something so tragic. Quinn wasn’t given the opportunity to have his own future, but in his memory and using his story, the impact he will have on others will be invaluable and others will be saved because of what happened to him and our family.

I think healing is a mindset of coming to the realization that we cannot change the past, but we can decide what to do with our future.

We chose to continue to live, and to make a difference. We know that choice is what Quinn would have wanted. He cared too much about others for us to stop caring!

Quinn James Driscoll Day

On June 10, 2010, Quinn was honored at Wy'East Middle School by scores of friends, family, teachers and countless others. The Wy'East Parent Network dedicated a memorial stone at the garden planted last year in Quinn's remembrance. We also dedicated Quinn's football jersey, to be displayed in the school, honoring a "True Warrior".

I wrote a "speech" for that day and wanted to share it with you.

First of all we would like to thank Kristen and the Wy’East Parent Network for organizing the event this evening. I would also like to thank the teachers, administrators and staff of Wy’East and those of you who are from other schools in the in our area. A special shout out to Beth Biggs for getting the word out and her dedication to Quinn’s memory.

Also, we thank you, our family, friends and tireless supporters who have provided us with the strength to get through this past year. Words cannot express the gratitude and humility we feel every day for your love and encouragement.

Finally, we would like to acknowledge the young men and women who are here today in person or in spirit to honor their friend. Kelly and I have been absolutely amazed by the network of friends and acquaintances Quinn established while he was here with us. Each and every one of you represents a remarkable testament to what is right in this world. You have shown amazing grace, strength and spirit throughout the past 12months. As Quinn did, we love each and every one of you and could not be more proud of what you have accomplished and what you will accomplish in your lives.

Today marks a day of new beginnings. Together we have made it through a difficult year. A year with countless “firsts”, a year will sorrow, a year with innumerable tears and a year of asking “why”. Today, we start anew. Today we get stop worrying about all of the firsts. The first birthday, the first day of school, the first Christmas, the first anniversary, and so on.

Today we should all need to stop asking why. Why did this happen? Why Quinn? Why me? Why us? Why, why?

Although we still grieve and shed many tears. Today marks the day when we should all stop asking “why”. Instead we should all be asking “how”. The word “how” is used to measure quality. The word “how” is used in a manner in which something is done. The word “how” should be used in your lives as a measurement of action, of character of success.

So starting today, June 10, 2010 start to ask yourself:
How can I make a difference?
How are my actions, words or behavior perceived by others?
How can I be a better son, daughter, husband, wife or friend?
How can I take action and make the world a better place?
How can I live my life with principle, character and humility?
How can I help others when they are down?
How can I honor and make those who have gone before us proud?

Use today as a new beginning. Where June 10th becomes a day to honor, to remember, to cry, to laugh but to most of all ask yourself, how.

I will close with one final thought. A quote from Quinn’s hero, baseball great Jackie Robinson.

A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives.